Monday, October 25, 2010

Pathways

2
I'm getting a familiar feeling. It's not panic. It's the feeling before panic. The one that's like, if you don't do everything right from here on you are going to fall and you are going to drown. But mixed into to that feeling, is a curiosity.

I wonder if this path that I'm on right now is the right one. If in search of a better life for myself, one that I am working so hard to achieve, that I have to fight myself everyday to try and realise, is the right path.

I don't know yet whether I am doing the right thing, or if I'm just settling for this better life. Do I really want to do this? Or am I just in love with the safety and comfort of the idea? Can I do better than this? Should I try to do better than this? What am I worth? Who is to say that I can't do better?

All these questions, all this curiosity, buried underneath the fear of what would happen if I fail. I have no safety net. I have no time. Life is moving on and I need to do something about it before it's too late.